The Only Way to "Be Someone"

Thirteen years ago, I had a conversation online with (who I thought was) a good friend.  It went something like this:

Her:  no.  seriously.  u shuld become a pc programmer
Me:  I can't see myself doing that.  I'm not good with computers.
Her:  learn.  u set ur hours & work from home. it will work
Me:  I can barely update my computer without help.  I loathe technical stuff.
Her:  tough. Jen, ur never gonna do anything else.  ur writing is cute but not practical
Me:  I know I won't become famous, especially as a poet.
Her:  right.  u have no options other than a programmer
Me:  Programming isn't an option, either.
Her:  yes it is.  don't u want to do something useful? be someone useful?
Me:  Sure, but...
Her:  then get off ur butt & be a good member of society
Me:  I'd need schooling and everything.
Her:  teach urself. u're smart.  do you want to be a drain ur entire life? like now?

And it got better from there.  I ended our friendship that night.  She and I were so close, I called her "auntie".  Few people are literally worthless, even without jobs.  She let me know in those twenty minutes how she really saw me.
************************
Sometimes though, I replay our last conversation.  Maybe, if I would have tried it, I'd be able to open my own organisation for disabled people, buy a house, travel... all the things I long for and will never have.  I haven't been out of my county in over a decade.  I haven't travelled more than four hours away from home in my whole life.  I look at houses and wish for one of my own, then berate myself for not being grateful for my accessible, affordable apartment.

Maybe, if I would have listened, I would be somebody by now.  Instead, I'm this insignificant poet who rarely leaves home more than once a week due to finances and chronic pain.  I'm a taker in more ways than I want to be.

But, my life could be different in other ways, too.  I might have failed.  Might have been miserable doing a job I despise.  I may have missed the wonderful night I met my husband because I was too busy to log-on.  I could have made enough money to get my medical insurance taken away, but not enough to afford it myself (which is death).  Not every what-if is a regret.
************************
I'm in the process of trying to figure out what my "next step" is with my life.  I haven't had a major change (for the better, anyway) in almost a decade.  So far, I can think of nothing that requires the amount of time, money, and spoons I possess.  I am starting to think there's nothing else I can do that doesn't take a miracle.  But, I'll wait.  Maybe the opportunity just hasn't shown itself.  I just have to keep hope.  It's just so damn hard to when I don't even have a clue.