S. is going back to college in a couple years, even though her attempts ended up like mine when she went years ago. Obtaining a degree is important to her, whether she can utilize it upon completion or not, whether it is a Bachelor's or an Associate's. All of her siblings have schooling beyond high school. It is a huge decision.
I'm happy for her.
But, at the same time, her announcement brought back the stampede of old emotion never far when I recollect my college days. The depression and frustration of losing something I had wanted since I was three years old, the stress and elation each project would bring.
I used to imagine trying again, picking things up once more with a tearful, but hopeful eye. I live much closer to the Tech School than I used to, and they have a handful of Associate's Degrees I would find interesting and/or rewarding.
Time has changed things, though. I am more "medically difficult" than I used to be, my chronic pain and compromised immune system keeping me home more often than most. One day of activity requires two days minimum of recharge and relaxation.
And I'm uncertain how tolerant I would be if I lost college... again. If I was depressed last time, it would be worse, now.
Plus, what if I DID receive a degree and my pain issues made it impossible for me to get a job or put it to ANY use? It would be an accomplishment to get one, I suppose, regardless of my future career but I would be applying for financial aid from the government. Is it fair to ask for $15,000 (or more) when all I could show for it is a piece of paper and more knowledge?
For S., she has answered with her heart that she must go back and I will cheer for her every second and keep my fingers crossed this time is THE TIME and she doesn't stop until she has her desire. She's a warrior, that woman, I am blessed to clean her swords and call her friend.
For me... I don't know what I'm going to do with my life, or what there is to do. I'm just lying here, putting words on paper or in cyberspace, hoping to feel useful... or helpful... or like I contribute to this world. Maybe I'll just keep on, not too much else has presented itself. But maybe something will appear if I just do what I'm doing.
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ReplyDeleteWith degree in hand
ReplyDeleteWho works for who
Tho two I have
None did I use
On paper it made me
Walk quite tall
But on each job
I was very small
So again young lady
I ask this of you
With degree in hand
Who works for who
**
Sorry spelling made me kill the first one.
Always better to walk (or in my case, sit) tall in real life.
DeleteWas it worth it to obtain something unused?
Problem is, when you're in a room with no discernible way out, how do you leave?
Thanks for stopping by!
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DeleteI wonder if you've considered getting a degree online? My son and daughter-in-law both earned their masters through online classes from great schools. My youngest son is currently taking management classes online.
ReplyDeleteI tried it once and it stopped being accessible. But I had dial-up, then.
DeleteIf you want is education, there are many ways to get that, and a traditional college degree is only one of them. These days, I listen to a lot of lecture pod casts and read nonfiction about whatever is piquing my interest. There's something to be said for a classroom experience and studying with others can be marvelous, but it's not the only way to go.
ReplyDeleteAs for writing, I do read books and all that fun stuff. I guess it isn't so much the education itself, but the opportunities it may grant, afterward. I'm just looking for a way to open doors...
DeleteIt is tricky. Some doors do require a diploma shaped key to open. So, I guess it's a matter of figuring out what kinds of opportunities you want to open yourself up for. (she says, like that's easy).
DeleteSo far, there aren't many.
DeleteAfter awhile, you just don't see where TO go. That's kind of where I am. Soft of... stuck.
To me a college degree is of dubious value other than getting a job in education. I went back to complete my degree in 2005 after having been away from college for about 30 years. The most I have to show for it now is a debt that I'm still paying for and the degree that has gained me little but the sense of having gotten that degree.
ReplyDeleteI'm not a huge fan of the academic community, but still something about it attracts me.
Lee
Wrote By Rote
I love learning and always have. I still seek knowledge on my own, sans instructor.
DeleteI wouldn't want the debt, either.
I agree, perhaps you should dip a toe in the water and check out an online class or two. (Even a free course might be fun - choose something "outside the box" and you might stumble upon a new interest or possible path.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I wonder if you've explored any sort of path that would lead you toward counseling, coaching, or leading some sort of support group for others who are dealing with pain/medical issues? Just a thought.
I used to have a few soldiers who came home wounded from combat. I was... well... a buddy, I guess.
DeleteWhat about online classes? I worked with a guy who got his master's degree 100% online...and it was from a local college through their "Regents Online Degree Program." He can say on his resume that he graduated from Austin Peay and doesn't even have to mention it was online. If your major requires you be in a classroom, you could do a hybrid where you went to class a certain number of days a year and did the rest online.
ReplyDeleteI'm leery of online classes after what happened when I tried them a decade ago. But, since I don't have a dial-up connection, maybe it would work out.
Delete