October Reading and Feeling Defeated

Since October is "horror month" for most people, I'm going to do a reading on my YouTube channel on the 19th. The event will be under an hour. I promise to read at least one thing not previously published online. There will be an archive, so don't worry if you miss it. 

*~**~**~*

I'm thinking a lot about my future as a speculative (horror/fantasy/sci-fi) author. The difficulties with publishing Blighted Feast make me believe that presses (perhaps even readers) don't want horror poetry as an entire book. I love writing it, but it might be something kept for myself. Or it could be the dejection talking.

So many magazines consider short horror fiction, and quite a few accept poetry as well. When you look at the publishers considering book-length projects, you find almost no one will touch it. Why are magazines filled to the brim with horror verse and short, freaky fiction but presses turn up their noses?

I suppose, in a world where poetry doesn't make money, splintering off into speculative could mean the book is even less likely to gain traction. Most small publishers (often the ones who take more risks) still have to be realistic. If the audience isn't there, it's just a guaranteed loss.

My horror poetry is a fairly large departure from my literary work. It isn't personal. There is little that relates to the human condition. It's just (hopefully) entertainment; maybe it isn't enough in a world where cheap thrills are as close as a click away.

Two different presses almost took my book. It should hearten me. But it doesn't. Two chances is a significant amount when there are under twenty total. The book was rejected five times and ignored at least three more. I know new presses begin every year. I know rejection is subjective and all that jazz. I know... but it still suckaroos. 

Not all manuscripts are meant to be published. Is Blighted Feast one of those? Am I holding onto false hope because I conflate the book being accepted twice as being publishable? 

Third Strike for Blighted Feast

Eight years ago, I put together a slim, hybrid horror collection tentatively titled Blighted Feast. I started submitting it soon after, though presses that even consider such things are few. It's almost been published multiple times without success. But I still press on.

On March 28th, one of the newer presses reached out with an acceptance. The publisher seemed personable. I would receive my contract in the summer and begin edits shortly after. It was finally happening!

Or so I thought...

The contract turned out to be a cobbled together mess with extremely "grabby" terms. I wrote out every problem I saw while I sent the contract to a writer friend who dropped what they were doing to tell me not to sign. They also sent the contract to trusted voice in the watchdog community... she said the same.

*~*~*

Included in the contract were tidbits like:

Misaligned dates. One date was already over and other didn't exist.

Mention of bookplates and purchasing them should a book go OOP. Publishers tend to use computer files nowadays. 

"Any subsidiary rights not exploited within 12 months of publication shall become nonexclusive." Since the author kept most of these, it meant the publisher could start utilizing them without further discussion unless the author did first.

Talk of licensing the author's name. If this right is exercised, their writers might not be able to publish under whatever name they used for that book again.

Termination of contract is easy for the publisher but almost impossible for the author.

And even more things (including wording that practically granted life of copyright). 

*~*~*

I wrote the publisher back and told him I was too uncomfortable with the terms to sign. He replied and said a lawyer wrote everything, it was completely aboveboard, and I wouldn't find a better contract anywhere. It's the third dang time this book came close to the finish line.

I was (and still am) a little heartbroken. The press would've been a perfect fit. I might exhaust all options soon, so I suppose the publisher might be correct in the end. I'm losing all faith that my speculative work is anything worthwhile.

Agents and Hilary Harwell (Video)

Just an announcement that there's a new video up on YouTube where I talk about Hilary Harwell (former KT Literary agent) stealing ideas. It goes deeper than I thought. Not everyone will agree that secondhand tweets are proof, but I think there is a fair amount to consider. Forgive my rambling at the end.

Watch the video by clicking anywhere on this sentence.

***

Poets of the Fall (for Tony)

We gave melodies to each other.

Talking was rare and precious,

but harmonies grew rampant

on the vines between us. We spoke

a language of majors and minors

when we insisted nothing was new.

I didn't know when the last note faded,

so would you. I'd give anything to hear

what you'd recommend me now.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Tony (my older brother) would've been 42 on the 30th. This is his second birthday no longer with us. I miss him every damn day. 

One of the things he and I bonded over was music. The last band he recommended to me was Poets of the Fall. I can't listen to them (no matter what song) without tearing up. My favorite one right now is "Cradled in Love."

Erasure Failure x2

I wrote 53 poems in April for National Poetry Month. I only cheated twice (and had to write something that adhered to the previous prompt the next day). Unfortunately, not every piece was a winner.

Instead of giving up, I decided to turn the meandering mess into an erasure. It couldn't get worse, right?

Okay, so it's not the best attempt. I don't normally make erasures/blackout poetry. Maybe a second try would be better...

I think more interesting things are happening in the second erasure, but it's still not great. After this failure, I decided to scrap the piece as a whole. Not everything is a masterpiece.

Even though a fair amount of poems from April didn't work out, I still have fifteen new poems strong enough to edit and submit to literary magazines. I have more that are destined for Instagram. Overall, it was a wonderful result for thirty days.

Another Library Reading

Stop hyperventilating, damn it! 

I implored myself to read slower and breathe deeper. Every line of poetry felt like an ocean swim with my head emerging from the waves just before my vision faded. I desperately tried not to speed read. I read four poems, though I planned on five. But I made it.

There were four authors (not including me) sitting at gray tables on a pleasant afternoon in April. We had a fantasy writer, a YA author, a children's writer, a Christian author, and me. Each table had a banner across the modesty panel with our author photo, biography, and the cover of one of our books. I felt "legit."

The audience was great. We had a good Q&A, and the people who came my way were chatty and kind. I saw my middle school librarian who said she still sees my 3rd/4th grade teacher who was the person who inspired me to write poetry. No one gave me guff about my mask.

I learned from mistakes I made during the last reading. Pens were on the table from the moment I entered the conference room so I didn't have to scramble once the signing started. Brandon had smaller bills for the people who bought copies of Domestic Bodies and helped give change. I didn't misspeak as much when reciting my work, though the panic wasn't lessened.

*~*

During the Q&A, one of the topics that people kept coming back to was how we all got published. I know it's a common topic, but the amount of questions regarding the specifics surprised me. Within the next month, I want to approach the library about an event where people can learn more about the publishing industry and different pathways some of us local authors used to get our books into the world. I'll let you know what they say, but at least one other author thought it's a good idea.

Battle Wheelchairs in TTRPGs (Video)

I know the topic of the battle wheelchair in tabletop role-playing games (mainly Dungeons & Dragons) seems like old news, but a post on Twitter fired it up again last month. Since I had a lot of thoughts, I made a video. (It's not the best, but I tried.) Click here to go to the video.

Also, my horror poem "The House of Disappearances" was recently covered on the Tiny Frights Podcast. Click here to listen.